Transmutation of Grief - rejection is just redirection.
I haven’t told many people yet, but I am applying for grad schools. I applied to several grad-schools that offer programs in Dance & Movement Therapy (DMT). I chose dance and movement therapy because I know first-hand the therapeutic benefits of dance. I wanted to know more, and then I planed to share that knowledge with everyone I can.
I feel like I was born dancing. Unlikely, I know, but I can’t remember a time in my life that dance has not brought me a sense of ecstatic joy. It hasn’t been something I’ve done because I was put into classes at a young age (although I was), but something I’ve needed to do with my soul. I’ve danced in studios, on competitive teams, and in the aisles of the grocery store. On the concrete downward slope of my childhood drive-way, in awkward moments or moments of pain, and on many a sleepless night in my tiny bedroom. In my life, there is rarely a moment to dance left unexploited.
Sadly, when I left for my undergraduate, I decided that I was burnt out. That dance somehow wasn’t a viable career path. I took a break from dancing and in its place, unacknowledged traumas and mental health issues came to the forefront. My grades began to suffer and silently, I suffered too. I stayed there, in that still, quiet space until I discovered Hoop Dance and began the healing journey that has brought me here, to this moment.
I believe that dance is one of the most accessible forms of self-expression available to us as human beings. I also believe that dance is, intrinsically, a deep expression of the soul that sometimes does not get spoken into words. I believed that with my own knowledge and the skills imparted in this program, I would to go on to help communities that I know could benefit immensely from the mind/body connection of dance. Specifically, communities like those of domestic abuse survivors, substance abuse patients, and those struggling with eating disorders. All of these often suffer from a disconnection to “self’ that keeps them in a pattern of dysfunction until they can find that connection again. A foggy pattern of “not good enough” that I believe an outlet like dance can clear. More than anything, I want people to feel comfortable in their own skin. To give them the tools to find their sense of play, their creativity, and to feel exuberant with their whole being. That’s what fuels me.
When I interviewed for The Pratt Institutes program the interviewer asked me if I had ever considered drama therapy and at the time I wasn’t considering it at all “I don’t want to be a drama therapist, I want to be a dance therapist” I thought to myself. I eventually received a rejection email from the program and naturally I felt a wave of grief that flooded my whole being. So, I got out my paints and the canvases my mother-in-law bought for me for Christmas and started to free-form paint. This painting was my result. As I was painting the saying “rejection is just redirection” repeated over and over in my mind.
I knew I wanted to be a therapist, to help heal others using the arts. I didn’t know how, but I knew that was what I wanted. Once the original rejection pain wore off I started to do some research and found a therapy program at Appalachian State University (a University about 2 hours from where I currently live)called Expressive Arts Therapy. A program that blends all of my passions into one course of study. Dance, Theatre, Art, & Music. A shiver went down my spine and I knew I found the Therapy program that was right for me. Rejection is just redirection. Now I am studying hard for my GRE so that I can apply for Expressive Arts Therapy programs.
Wish me luck friends. A new path is unfolding.
Sending all my love,
KE
